Otis the Elevator: An Introduction

The great thing about my job, although I get paid shit, is the fact that it's in the Loop. So I can run around pretending to be baller, handing out my business card (which, despite my shitty salary, is all-paid and printed with raised lettering...niiiiiiiiice) and talking about working in the high-falutin' fancy Chicago Loop. And when I meet someone from undergrad, they think I'm the shit and I give no reason for them to think otherwise.

But in reality, I work in what our accountant affectionately refers to as the "pocket of (bleep bleep) ghetto," or the last remaining stronghold of shadiness in the Chicago Loop. We have crack dealers and such just chillin' in front of our old-ass building, where two homeless women consistently fight each other for cigarettes (I can set my clock to it). It's a building so old it used to have a different address when the streets were set up differently. An address they never bothered to take OFF the building. Accessorizing this old-ass construction are equally old-ass elevators that have never been updated and are curiously missing their certificates of inspection.

And it's these elevators that add to the daily spice of my life. Including, but not limited too - crashing to the ground, holding suspicious odors, providing billboard space for local gangs, and possibly being haunted. Everyday, I hesitate before getting on those harbingers of death but alas, I work on the 17th floor leaving me no option. But No Worries! "The company [Otis Elevators] pioneered the development of the safety elevator, invented by Otis, which used a special mechanism to lock the elevator car in place should the hoisting ropes fail. Otis made skyscrapers possible by providing safe mechanical transport to upper floors" Yes. Safe.

Ahh, wikipedia. Such a great source of reassuring information.