- Do Not get 24-hour access to store your belongings at the downtown Chicago office building of the job you just quit.
- Do Not surreptitiously get 24-hour access to the building from the admin* that the Executive Director cannot stand.
- Do Not wait until 1am the day of your flight to your new home (Washington, DC) to move your boxes into said building.
- Perhaps rethink your decision to take your two male brown friends (one who looks like this** and one who looks like this . Clearly the second one is an undercover hacker.) to a building in downtown Chicago, near the Sears Tower, at 1 in the morning.
- Perhaps rethink your decision to use your ID card that clearly states what time you were in the building with shady looking friends.
- DO think before propping the door open lest it set off a pesky alarm.
- DO prevent brown male #2 with you from trying to hack the computer system to turn the alarm off.
- DO keep #2 out of the eye of the camera right ABOVE the computer system that is unsuccessful at turning the alarm off (but successful at flashing your picture from your supposed-to-be-deactivated ID badge).
- Perhaps rethink your decision to leave three unmarked boxes into said building at 1 am, after setting the alarm off.
- Definitely have a shady looking hairy Sikh girl in a getaway car nearby.
- Also, remember to hide your one-way ticket to DC when the police come to question you.
- and last one: PRAY with all your might that NOTHING disastrous happens in downtown Chicago the next day.
**okay so his beard isn't as big.
