ahh. he looks like my grandfather (minus the beard)! A man after my heart. Also, he can pronounce Pakistan and Iran. He is a Rolo! Black on the outside, brown on the inside. Yum.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Barack O'Bollywood Part II
ahh. he looks like my grandfather (minus the beard)! A man after my heart. Also, he can pronounce Pakistan and Iran. He is a Rolo! Black on the outside, brown on the inside. Yum.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy V-Day! V as in VAG!
In regular bitter Kdizzle style, I should be bashing Valentine's Day. But, aha! I do not give up on my New Years Resolutions that easily, my dear friends. I'm !bursting! with positivity today, a positivity most likely generated by the overdose of chocolate and sweet tarts and whatever shit people gave me to push me up another damn bra size.
Oh loved ones, I need not one day to show my gushy mushy emotions for you; every day is a day of love. Don't you feel the humanity moving inside you? Or have you not felt anything/anybody moving in you for awhile? If so and you're sick of it, you can totally hit it with my host-brother from Mali who seems to have taken quite a liking to me and sends me des lettres d'amour in French telling me that I'm the BEST sister he's ever had. And those of you who get hot for heated men, he also sends me angry French letters telling me I have shredded him in my claws. Are those claws manicured, brotha?
Anywhooo, to commemorate Vaginatines Day (because really, it's all about havin' teh sexes), I'm decorating my blog with video valentines, giving you ladies and gentlequeens a visual mind-fuck. Work it, baby!
First, my should-be husband and baby-daddy Pharrell.
And don't worry, I won't forget my brown man. Here's some Shah Rukh Khan. Pay attention the water scene. Sigh.
Last but definitely not least, America's baby-daddy Barack (yes this has been posted before, but isn't V-day totally appropriate for this?)
Oh loved ones, I need not one day to show my gushy mushy emotions for you; every day is a day of love. Don't you feel the humanity moving inside you? Or have you not felt anything/anybody moving in you for awhile? If so and you're sick of it, you can totally hit it with my host-brother from Mali who seems to have taken quite a liking to me and sends me des lettres d'amour in French telling me that I'm the BEST sister he's ever had. And those of you who get hot for heated men, he also sends me angry French letters telling me I have shredded him in my claws. Are those claws manicured, brotha?
Anywhooo, to commemorate Vaginatines Day (because really, it's all about havin' teh sexes), I'm decorating my blog with video valentines, giving you ladies and gentlequeens a visual mind-fuck. Work it, baby!
First, my should-be husband and baby-daddy Pharrell.
And don't worry, I won't forget my brown man. Here's some Shah Rukh Khan. Pay attention the water scene. Sigh.
Last but definitely not least, America's baby-daddy Barack (yes this has been posted before, but isn't V-day totally appropriate for this?)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Floating Appendix
Glossary
CTA: n. (see tee ay) Chicago Transit Asswhority
fraishus roshis: adj. (fresh uss rowsh iss) A general term for "I am fucking awesome." Entered Singh/Chirrimar lingo circa 1989, with Bindi Singh's declaration that she, in fact, is "fraishus roshis."
heavenly chambers: n. pl. (pu see) vaginae
joyful juice: n. (joi full joos) Do you really need a fucking glossary to figure this out? Dumbass.
Mali: n. (Ma lee) A country in West Africa. Go look at a map. Such as. Children. for them. therefore. such as.
sand-nigger: br0wn ppl who rid3 KAMels in teh s4nd and w34r towels on thurr hedz
WTF: adj. (dowel yu tee eff) 1. what.the.fuck. 2. apt description for Kdizzle's life
CTA: n. (see tee ay) Chicago Transit Asswhority
fraishus roshis: adj. (fresh uss rowsh iss) A general term for "I am fucking awesome." Entered Singh/Chirrimar lingo circa 1989, with Bindi Singh's declaration that she, in fact, is "fraishus roshis."
heavenly chambers: n. pl. (pu see) vaginae
joyful juice: n. (joi full joos) Do you really need a fucking glossary to figure this out? Dumbass.
Mali: n. (Ma lee) A country in West Africa. Go look at a map. Such as. Children. for them. therefore. such as.
sand-nigger: br0wn ppl who rid3 KAMels in teh s4nd and w34r towels on thurr hedz
WTF: adj. (dowel yu tee eff) 1. what.the.fuck. 2. apt description for Kdizzle's life
Friday, February 8, 2008
Manic! Panic!
Why the the post about Ashu generated more interest than Barack O'Bollywood, I dunno. Makes me think I should get new friends or something ok surriously JUST KIDDING please don't stop reading my blog now. I gave myself a brief hiatus (of 3 days) before posting because it was so warming to the heart to see my desi Barak's face first thing when I loaded my blog. But now we'll move on to life as usual. What is life as usual? PANIC ATTACKS!
The thing about panic attacks is that they speed up your heart rate, so if you get one at like, say 11:30 pm, you're basically screwed for sleeping on time. And let's say you have to get up early in the morning. Then you start getting anxious about all the shit you have to take care of the next day, including, but not limited to: waking up, looking human (but not like bag-lady human), making it to work before your boss notices that you are indeed late again, phone calls, and you know breathing. But you realize that you won't remember to do of this shit because you'll be too fucking tired from the lack of sleep because of said panic, so you start getting even more anxious, triggering yet another panic attack. Thus the cycle continues for the rest of the night, leaving you bloodshot, irascible, and manic the next day.
Just sayin'. Not like this happened last night or anything. Go Barack! w00t w00t!
The thing about panic attacks is that they speed up your heart rate, so if you get one at like, say 11:30 pm, you're basically screwed for sleeping on time. And let's say you have to get up early in the morning. Then you start getting anxious about all the shit you have to take care of the next day, including, but not limited to: waking up, looking human (but not like bag-lady human), making it to work before your boss notices that you are indeed late again, phone calls, and you know breathing. But you realize that you won't remember to do of this shit because you'll be too fucking tired from the lack of sleep because of said panic, so you start getting even more anxious, triggering yet another panic attack. Thus the cycle continues for the rest of the night, leaving you bloodshot, irascible, and manic the next day.
Just sayin'. Not like this happened last night or anything. Go Barack! w00t w00t!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Actually, it's sand-nigger
Dear Random Lady Bum on the corner of Adams and State,
Don't ever call me a nigger again.
Maybe you saw pity in my eyes and it infuriated you to see a colored person have those feelings for you. And maybe I should thank you because you've launched me into a period of introspection that is still continuing*. If I see you again, I will definitely stop and give you some change.
Kam
*that means trust me, I'll write more on this subject.
Don't ever call me a nigger again.
Maybe you saw pity in my eyes and it infuriated you to see a colored person have those feelings for you. And maybe I should thank you because you've launched me into a period of introspection that is still continuing*. If I see you again, I will definitely stop and give you some change.
Kam
*that means trust me, I'll write more on this subject.
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