Instance #1 of Why I Probably Will Go To Hell

I won't provide many details of my second job other than it involves minuscule cubicles and entire sessions of phone calls. It may or may not be a job as a phone sex operator (this is not the reason I'm going to hell).

For some reason, the office we work out of attracts canines of all kinds. Last week, one of the newer call-girls (haha I think that would qualify as a pun) was sitting in the corner at the cubicle next to me. Let me give you a cursory impression of this girl: Tall, well kempt long hair, flip-flops, expensive bags, and shorts that say "PINK" on the bum. Kind of makes you wonder why she's working there. She was casually chatting about her love life or god knows what to the girl on her other side when I noticed a fluffy bunny in her bag. "Okay," I think, "every girl needs to feel safe." I mean, I carry my Stunzilla*, she carries a stuffed bunny. I get back to my phone calls, faking enthusiasm for the person on the other end of the line, and I notice something from the corner of my eye. Fluffy bunny is moving! What! Fluffy bunny is poking head out of purse! Wait, that is tiny little dog, and that is a dog-carrier. What.The.Fuck. She pushes his head back into the tote, ZIPS it up, and shoves the bag under her desk. My immediate thoughts are "Woman, I am JUDGING YOU! I normally don't judge that quickly, but you! I am judging you!"

Look, this bag was barely the size of the animal. He sat in there for the entire shift. At one point I thought she took him back home during our break, but maybe she just let him piss in the women's room or something. I decide, maybe this ONE time, she couldn't make it home to drop him off before work. But really? Still judging.

Next time she comes to work, I see the tote again. I can't resist and I start flipping out to the preson next to me about said doggy. This is when I learn the puppy is actually a seizure dog she carries around. Do you know what a seizure dog is? I don't. Apparently, she has some medical condition and carries the dog around for safety/health reasons. And she has made it clear she is on her way to medical school; perhaps trying to emphasize that a life changing moment/disorder has changed her path to the one of health. Of course, my immediate response when learning that it was a seizure dog was "Are you sure she's not lying?" I even looked to see if she had medical ID tags on.

I'm probably going to hell.

*A stun gun. Named Stunzilla. Because it is So large.