Why I am Deluded

Because I thought if I moved to an entirely new city, I could somehow escape the nonsense that is my life. But hello, moving to a new city means finding roomates through craigslist, which inevitably leads to wtf moments. Anyways, count of places I've lived since graduation: 9

How Not to Move Out of a Large US City that Contains the Sears Tower & Several Other Important Buildings

• Do Not get 24-hour access to store your belongings at the downtown Chicago office building of the job you just quit.
  

• Do Not surreptitiously get 24-hour access to the building from the admin* that the Executive Director cannot stand.
  

• Do Not wait until 1am the day of your flight to your new home (Washington, DC) to move your boxes into said building.

• Perhaps rethink your decision to take your two male brown friends (one who looks like this** and one who looks like this . Clearly the second one is an undercover hacker.) to a building in downtown Chicago, near the Sears Tower, at 1 in the morning.

• Perhaps rethink your decision to use your ID card that clearly states what time you were in the building with shady looking friends.

• DO think before propping the door open lest it set off a pesky alarm.

• DO prevent brown male #2 with you from trying to hack the computer system to turn the alarm off.

• DO keep #2 out of the eye of the camera right ABOVE the computer system that is unsuccessful at turning the alarm off (but successful at flashing your picture from your supposed-to-be-deactivated ID badge).

• Perhaps rethink your decision to leave three unmarked boxes into said building at 1 am, after setting the alarm off.

• Definitely have a shady looking hairy Sikh girl in a getaway car nearby.

• Also, remember to hide your one-way ticket to DC when the police come to question you.

• and last one: PRAY with all your might that NOTHING disastrous happens in downtown Chicago the next day.

*curiously, she was fired shortly afterwards
**okay so his beard isn't as big.

Censorship

From unnamed blog at 12:45 AM:

Kamdizzle said...

FAIL.

Same blog, ten minutes later:

Kamdizzle said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

I'M BACK with power power

JUST TO SPITE ASHU.

The End

The Working Girl is retiring! This blog, that is. This is because the most interesting thing that has happened to me at my new job is today on my way walking to work the garbage man hit on me.* Really, garbage man? Really? Yeah, I know you're sitting up high and driving some big-ass wheels, but really?

So, in conclusion, for the last month my life has been relatively normal and sane and drama-free. And in a knock-on-wood superstition, I'm retiring this blog with hopes that it will stay that way.

*He said "Whass Up Girl." No, he was not black. You racist fuck.

Day 0

Tomorrow is my first day of work at a REAL job that isn't paid by a government stipend that is in reality, below minimum wage. Let's hope it turns out like my first day at last non-job, where my boss kindly gave me a tour of the office and then showed me the bathroom, where she proceeded to give me "training" whilst shitting*. Yes. Let's hope.

*disclaimer: my boss was awesome. Who shits while they talk? Only fucking cool people**, hell yeah.
**I'm obviously not cool enough to pull this off***.
***Just had to make that clear.

Occasionally

Occasionally, I err on the side of pleasure and have too much of a good thing. Today I decided to OD on allergy meds and had this brilliant idea for a post detailing how much I loved the world because of all the wonderful beautiful things I saw happen in the last two days but what kind of sucks is that I can't remember any of them (what does this say about me?) except 2 which are still kind of nice:

Yesterday, a baby left her toy on a bus and a young lady jumped off a stop early and ran down the block to hand it back to the mom.
Today, the lady who owns the snack-shop at my Metra stop said I could pay her tomorrow when I realized I had no cash. She has never met me before.

I think thats about it so far. Also, the sun decided to shine today. Yipee!

Mizzaralia

I told a couple friends that I would help them organize this "Nothing But Nets" malaria event for a competition, but I ended up doing shit. Part of the event was to create a short video and I was the "subject" since I got malaria in Mali. I think Ash decided to get back at my lack of participation by making me look and sound like a complete douche. So this aired on TBS or something.



P.S. She made me do this when I had the flu.

P.P.S. I'm totally talking out of my ass the entire time

Malaria

Destroying Your Childhood

Shauvik is this crazy Indian who lives in St. Louis and will soon have to leave the States to marry a nice Bengali girl on his parent's goat farm. They will be a joint family, yes yes. He also destroys any concept of goodness I have, starting with my childhood. But at least he makes me laugh while he does it. And now I will proceed to destroy the childhood of whoever reads this blog. Here's a video, courtesy of this crazy foreigner.