Metra Etiquette: Yes, People Can Hear Your Entire Phone Convo, Dumbass

I don't care that you have a huuuuuuge crush on that girl in your Econ 101 class and that you absolutely have to have this utterly insipid conversation with her about how she likes to compare everything to cheese and you try to cover up the banality of your conversational skills by using words you think smart people use, like "quite" and "however" because that is not the way you get into a girl's pants, at least not a self-respecting girl with taste. So please don't ruin the brief nap I have between my two jobs with your LOUD ass wannabe-fratboy-but-didn't-quite-have-enough-testosterone voice, because I DON'T CARE.

Floating Appendix

Glossary

CTA: n. (see tee ay) Chicago Transit Asswhority

fraishus roshis: adj. (fresh uss rowsh iss) A general term for "I am fucking awesome." Entered Singh/Chirrimar lingo circa 1989, with Bindi Singh's declaration that she, in fact, is "fraishus roshis."

heavenly chambers: n. pl. (pu see) vaginae

joyful juice: n. (joi full joos) Do you really need a fucking glossary to figure this out? Dumbass.

Mali: n. (Ma lee) A country in West Africa. Go look at a map. Such as. Children. for them. therefore. such as.

sand-nigger: br0wn ppl who rid3 KAMels in teh s4nd and w34r towels on thurr hedz

WTF: adj. (dowel yu tee eff) 1. what.the.fuck. 2. apt description for Kdizzle's life

CTA Etiquette

Dear Random Harried Lady on the El this Morning:

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SIT NEXT TO ME WHEN THE ENTIRE FUCKING CAR IS EMPTY? WOULD YOU PEE IN A URINAL RIGHT NEXT TO A MAN WHEN THE REST OF THE BATHROOM IS AVAILABLE?

Sincerely,

K-dizzle.

Agni Parixa (अगिन परीक्षा)

I woke up today and picked a nice warm spot on the Purple Express, happy to be making it to work relatively on time. Then the crazy man decided that he would sit next to me, sensing some crazy-person kinship, and proceeded to talk crazy-talk while expecting crazy-talk answers, which I half-heartedly gave. Then I did the cool rich-bitch-kid thing and stuck my ipod buds in my ear and looked out the window. He kinda fell asleep on me. And then he got up at La Salle and it turned out his entire buttox had been exposed to the soft fabric of the el seat for the entire ride. Oh, and he wears diapers. But I don't think he secures them properly.

Then I went to lunch at Subway and ordered a $2.97 Veggie sandwich from the nice lady that wears green eyeshadow to match her green Subway T-shirt.